Monday, December 26, 2016

No News Is, etc.

Ever hear the saying "no news is good news?"

It's a lie.


Health-wise, I've been doing pretty well for over a year now. So why haven't I finished the next Hunter Chronicles book (or any book for that matter)?

I have no idea.

Well, I have some idea. Okay, a pretty good idea, actually. The problem is, there's a conspiracy of factors and no simple answer. Five years of health problems weren't in my game plan. Book sales didn't exactly carry me through the period either. So I'm playing catch up, financially and otherwise. Trying to survive. My family, it seems, prefers eating over not eating. I've been trying to teach my children to subsist on delicious toast, but sadly I'm no Samuel the Simpleton. Guy could live for like a year on a single piece of sourdough. Crazy.

But I digress.

When will I finish my next book? I don't know. But honestly, if I haven't finished something in the next six months, I'm going to start sending myself hate mail. I know what it's like to fall in love with a series, or even a shy liking, and have to wait years for an author to get around to writing the next book. Now that I'm seeing it from the other side, well, I should probably write some letters of apology. I'm not going to, of course, because seriously, just finish it.

I appreciate the prodding and encouragement. I'll try to blog more, even if all I can share is bad news. At some point, I will have good news. Or some really funny hate mail.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Throwaway Ideas

I've had some really terrible ideas. I mean awful. Sometimes they pop up while I'm reading. Other times, they might hit me in the middle of a conversation. Someone says something and I make ridiculous connections.

Bad ideas are the dark side of a creative mind.

I've gotten good at filtering myself over the years. Well, mostly. I do a lot of rewriting and even more apologizing. Fortunately, most of my ideas are amazing. Here are a few examples:

  • A Ferris wheel powered by hamsters
  • Better tasting roach spray
  • A book about fart sounds and how to mask them
  • Four tips on how NOT to give a eulogy

I particularly like that last one.

Tip #1: Don't animate the corpse to clap during the best parts of your eulogy.
Tip #2: Don't use a laugh track to compensate for lazy writing; you're not fooling anyone.
Tip #3: Don't prop the corpse up next to you and pretend to have a conversation with it.
Tip #4: Don't accuse anyone in the audience of murder without compelling evidence or a strong gut feeling.

An idea like this, I might develop into a scene. Or, it might help me build out aspects of a character's personality. I might start thinking, "What kind of eulogy would a particular character give?" or "what kind of fart masking does this character employ?"

Sometimes ridiculous questions can break a cycle of tedium and get our minds moving laterally again. And sometimes, they're just funny, and that's enough. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Just A Flesh Wound

Still alive. I had surgery about three weeks ago--my fourth in roughly a year, as it turns out. The upside to all the cutting is that I've now learned enough medical jargon to fulfill my dream of writing Boogie Schnauzer, Dog M.D. The downside, of course, is that I have such terrible dreams.

But I'm better now and hopefully my dreams will improve and whoever has my voodoo doll will stop poking it long enough for me to write another book.

In other news, quantum mechanics is complicated.

That is all.

Thursday, July 10, 2014


Rumors of my abduction have been moderately exaggerated. I'm still here despite evidence to the contrary. 

For those of you wondering when my next book is coming out...I have no idea. 

Bad answer, I know. 

I have several works in progress--including the third Hunter Chronicles book--but health issues have derailed my writing efforts over the last year or so. And no, I'm not that old. 

Fortunately, I think doctors are finally honing in on the problem. Looks like it's either a parathyroid or kidney issue--not sure yet. Either way, I'm hoping to be back to full steam by the end of summer. I'll keep you posted.