Questions and Answers

E. J. Patten Revealed

Q&A from Simon & Schuster

Q. How would you describe your life in only 8 words?

A. Trap-builder by day, shadow by night. Frequently exhausted.

Q. What is your motto or maxim?

A. Power, without compassion, is the greatest evil there is.

Q. How would you describe perfect happiness?

A. A good book and time to read it.

Q. What’s your greatest fear?

A. A squirrel uprising. Also, dentists.

Q. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose to be?

A. I generally prefer to be "on" the world, but if I had to be "in" it, I would probably choose a cenote near Cancun.

Q. With whom in history do you most identify?

A. Eggsplint Poppycock, the Nearly Unknown. He was the most famous beet farming serf in the small Roman village of Snarquisquid in the forgettable middle part of the 4th century.

Q. Which living person do you most admire?

A. My wife.

Q. What are your most overused words or phrases?

A. "Quite," "Really," and "That's my spork."

Q. What do you regret most?

A. The eighties, followed closely by cordaroy pants.

Q. If you could acquire any talent, what would it be?

A. The ability to acquire more talents.

Q. What is your greatest achievement?

A. Convincing my wife to marry me.

Q. What’s your greatest flaw?

A. That when asked a question about my greatest flaw, I make a joke out of it.

Q. What’s your best quality?

A. I care.

Q. If you could be any person or thing, who or what would it be?

A. A squirrel leader leading a squirrel uprising against dentists.

Q. What trait is most noticeable about you?

A. My goatee. It's very prominent.

Q. Who is your favorite fictional hero?

A. Harrison Ford.

Q. Who is your favorite fictional villain?

A. Darth Vader.

Q. If you could meet any historical character, who would it be and what would you say to him or her?

A. I would want to meet Caesar, and I would say, "Beware the ides of March...also, Brutus is plotting to kill you. You might want to look into that. Oh, and, er, could I borrow some money--you being an emperor and all? Just until my next advance comes in, I swear I'm good for it! No? Fine then, forget what I said about the ides!"

Q. What is your biggest pet peeve?

A. My biggest pet was a golden retriever named "Bridger," and please don't call me Peeve. Oh. I misread that. Do I still have space to ans

Q. What is your favorite occupation, when you’re not writing?

A. Being unemployed.

Q. What’s your fantasy profession?

A. Being Harrison Ford.

Q. What 3 personal qualities are most important to you?

A. Compassion. Adaptability. A sense of humor.

Q. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your days, what would it be?

A. Burritos stuffed with pizza, bread pudding, and french fries.

Q. What are your 5 favorite songs?

A. Not necessarily in order: "Foruna Imperatrix Mundi: O Fortuna" by Carl Orff. "Battle of Evermore" by Led Zepplin. "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. "Viva La Vida" by Coldplay. "Black Wings" by Tom Waits.

On Books and Writing

Q. Who are your favorite authors?

A. The ones that write books. But, more specifically: In middle reader/YA: J.K. Rowling, Roald Dahl, Lewis Carroll, Brandon Mull, James Dashner, Dan Wells, Rick Riordan, Suzanne Collins, and many others. In adult fiction: J.R.R. Tolkein, Steven Erikson, Neal Stephenson, Orson Scott Card, Umberto Eco, William Gibson, Susanna Clarke, and many others.

Q. What are your 5 favorite books of all time?

A. Not in order: Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Neuromancer, Ender's Game, and Snow Crash.

Q. Is there a book you love to reread?

A. Harry Potter

Q. Do you have one sentence of advice for new writers?

A. Write, and stop reading any writing advice that can be distilled down to a single sentence.

Q. What comment do you hear most often from your readers?

A. I love it, I Love It, I LOVE IT! And I'm also very confused...